Many years ago there were some really
relaxed chipmunks that lived in England. They wore their hair in mullets and
read comic books. The King of England couldnít stand how relaxed they were and
was always yelling at them about their hair, which was harsh. He was always
flipping out about the comic books they drew in which he looked silly.
So they got in a speedboat and zoomed
west and founded Plymouth Colony in Massachusetts where they could wear their
mullets in peace. They met a bunch of Indians who were totally cool. The
Indians showed the chipmunks how to play hockey, and the chipmunks showed the
Indians how to wear their hair in a mullet, so things couldnít have been more
Everything was fine until winter came.
It was totally harsh, and no one relaxed. Some of the chipmunks caught really
bad head-colds and were sneezing all the time which kept the Indians awake at
night. Also, most of the chipmunks were town chipmunks that had been in the
comic book business and didnít know how to raise crops. Their food ran so low
that they had to give up lunch and only eat breakfast and supper. No one was
allowed to snack.
That spring when everyone felt better
the Indians showed the chipmunks how to plant corn, beans, and pumpkins, which
was what people did back then before convenience stores. Their mullets grew
long and luxuriant in the back.
Come autumn the chipmunks had plenty of
food stored up and invited the Indians over for a big party. Before they ate
the chipmunks said a few word of thanks to their Indian friends for helping them
grow crops, and the Indians thanked the chipmunks for showing them how to wear
their hair in a proper mullet. After they ate everybody played hockey, and then
drew funny pictures of the King of England in his silly wig!
And thatís the true story of
in the day there was a King called George, and he was really annoying.
couldn't stand how cool and relaxed the chipmunks were in New England with their
deep dish pizza and cool video games. So he came over and started taxing stuff
like Mexican Wrestling, which was a totally un-cool thing to do.
day he saw a chipmunk taking a coffee break from his computer job, and said "I'm
taxing your tea," and the chipmunk was like "this is coffee, dude," and King
George was like "whoa."
when King George got back to his hotel that night he taxed the coffee anyway.
This harshed everybody's buzz and was tough on chipmunks with computer jobs.
chipmunks IM'ed each other and met at the tree fort over at their Uncles' house
and had Dunkin' Donuts coffee, and agreed that King George was totally lame.
King George was hiding in a bush and heard them, and called over a bunch of
Hessian soldiers to kick everybody's butt. And the soldiers were like, "New
England is so cool - maybe we can live here after the butt-kicking."
chipmunks put on their butt-kicking boots, got on their cell phones and marched
out to meet the Hessians. And everyone was listening to cool iPod music and had
a Dunkin' Donuts large-regular coffee in one hand, and a ninja sword in the
the Hessians were like "Whoa."
King George snuck up on the smallest chipmunk, who happened to be on the phone
with his mother, and kicked him in the butt! And the chipmunk was like "dude,"
and King George was like "whoa."
when the Hessians saw all the cool iPod music, they were like "we are so lame,"
and they looked really sad. So the chipmunks were like "dudes..." and stopped
kicking their butts, and everybody partied!
they bought King George a plane ticket and sent him home and he was like "I am
so totally lame."
then the chipmunks elected a Chief Chipmunk, who was really smart, and he made
Mexican Wrestling the national sport, and declared pizza a breakfast food.
And thatís the true story of the